So I have gotten to a point that I am so angry, I can’t be angry anymore. I sit here in a café listening to Alejandro typing my first blog post in a few months.
So I’m basically fully recovered from being sick. Which is awesome, wowzies….
But check this out, my beautiful brand new cell phone dropped down stars the other and cracked but still worked, two days later it was in my scooter safe and sound, except for the closed bottles in it, next to the phone, and I hit a pot hole and the bottles smashed and crushed my phone and had the liquid from the bottles flood the phone, so now it’s trashed completely, wow!!! A day later my ipad dropped and cracked all over the screen whaaaaaaaat!!!! Okay so now my phone and ipad are messed..
Wow I tried to switch on my pc and it’s playing up again, battling to run. Flip another thing, or scrap my scooter stopped working same day, I opened it up and fixed it yay it worked…… That night the road works ripped my exhaust off the scooter!!!! Whaaaaaaaaat yet again!!!!!! I kind of get it on, scooter does not start, I am broken down on side of the road, get toed back home. Awesome, I fix it again, it’s making a noise when it switches on as the exhaust has been bent from being ripped so it’s not on 100% …. But it works, I go to work today get onto my scooter again it WORKS!!! Wooohoooo I get to other work, drop off stuff. Scooter does not work, both fusses have blows, what the fuck. Really?? I replaced them 3 days ago. Now scooter has to stay at work for the long weekend as I’m going away, yay…
My salary from today dropped out my pocket on my way home today while driving my friends scooter. Baaaam there go my bills being paid,
But on the bright side of this story I got a new job, half day doing one of my dreams, I am going to be helping run a function coordination business. Soooooo awesome..
So now I’m going home with Jonathan, gonna drink some bear, some other shit and then sleep amazingly. And finally Vaseline my ass and take all this shit that’s hitting me hard..
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Okay I’m frustrated. Yup it’s true. Boom. Deal with it…
Jonathan is straight he says. But I’m still not convinced.
He is so bloody horny and going crazy at the moment. It’s all he can talk about.. It’s been five months that he has gonna without sex. He needs it. But he keeps going on how he wants to do a chick. Put a ball in her mouth and tie her up and do her ask hard as he can. A rage of sex.
This is what I want. I’m exactly what he wants. The only thing is I have a penis. And it’s driving me crazy.. As he does not actually know what he wants. True story as it was brought up at my birthday party!! What the hell. I don’t want him anymore I actually need him and he needs me. This is the truth. Really, without each other, we did not function properly. We have brought something new out of each other. We need to see each other everyday otherwise we feel weird. Come oooooooooooooooooon Jonathan!!!!!!!!!!!! Enough is enough, no more fucking around now!! Take that fucking step out of your not so hidden closest and let’s be together!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t blog much any more. I have so much going on.. I’m writing books. A series of 5 books. I am trying to get back into work. Been doing really well. Yay.. But today I am not doing so well..
I’m feeling so down about it. And my emotions are like a 13 year old girls at the moment, I’m not sure why. Flip it.. But I just want to cry. I’m not sure.
My eyes rolled back tonight, and I almost passed out tonight, and since then, I have been feeling so sick. And fainty. I want to go home. But I want to go home and be with my bestie. But he can’t stay over tonight as he needs to help his grandad tomorrow. Just his company really helps, I’m not sure why.
I’m so tired of the pain I carry around. I’m tired of being sore. And in the unknown. I don’t know how to feel. And I don’t know how to deal with this anymore.
Signing out….. Matty GH
15 Feb 1014
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The knowing that i probably wont be with Jonathan is terrible. Sore. Heart aching… i can go an have sex with other mwn. Make out with other mwn. Marry another man or woman.. but i believe i will always have the longing feeling for Jonathan. And thats the truth.
I have not chosen this love, tjis love has chosen me.
Hello all. Today i am 24. Wow i cant actually believe its my birthday again!!!
So im chilling my my best friend, its 01:22am we watching harry potter and the half blood prince. This is the stupidest film ever, it actually makes me so angry!!!! This film has nothing to do with the books. Why have they messed up the most important book of them all!!!!
Okay but more importantly. I have been doing really well of letting go of jonathan and just being bestfriends.. but im still in love with him. So deeply.
And i atill like to believe we will land up together.. and myself along with some others thought maybe he will say something today.. but all i got was a fist pump. But we still have a whole day to go. But man. Im hurting so much i just want to be with him now. Flip man. Im so sad.
#painting #heart #organ #blackandwhite #pen #art
#Skull #head #dead #monkey #mind #fears #sunday
So as you may have noticed I don’t blog much anymore.
It’s not because I’m over it, it’s because I’m started to do what I did a long time ago…. Not talk or share about what’s happening.. I also don’t blog because some people have this address and I don’t want them to read my stuff, I don’t what them to know what’s happening.. I also always talk about judas aka Jonathan. So I feel crap about that..
But today is an exception to all this.. I have found myself starting to break down. I had a black out today for the first time in a month and a half. And it’s because I am really battling with something. And yes you guessed it. It has to do with Jonathan. There are other things, but that one is the worst.
He said to me the other day, that we will never be together, never have sex. We are best friends, and he can not mess that up, this is one of his most important friendships/relationship.
I get that and I understand it. Because I feel the same. Except I want it to go further, I want to be one with him.
When he said during the cleaning of his hour, we were folding his clothing, ‘Matt, you are my best friend, and I love being with you, but no disrespect with this, but I’m lonely I need a girlfriend.’
I think I went pail. I looked at him and said: ‘I understand that, I know what you mean, there is a difference between a friendship and a romantic relationship’
But I went pail and felt ill from this because all I wanted to say to him was, what the hell man dude!! What we have is more than what you will find with any girl. If we just decided to be together, and you just came out that closest, we would littelry be perfect, you even said the other night, we would make the perfect couple, we are made for each other. You said that.. But yet you won’t act on it.. I understand I’m a guy, so it would be coming out of the straight world AGAIN but I fully believe it would be worth it, and everyone expects it from you and yaw there is not one person I know that actually believes you are straight, everyone believes you bisexual. And you kind of were, and I don’t believe you are straight to. I believe you are bisexual. I know that is horrible of me to say but I fully believe that. I’m sorry.
I want you to be fully truthful with yourself Jonathan. Don’t do want your family wants, be you, and I know you would swing this way.. Let’s be one.
This is how I’m feeling, and I have been so down about th is.. Really!!
#Fitness #punchingbag #health its time to burn this last 12KGs.
#Skull #xead #death #snake #goldfish #pets #animal #animallover #bones #jaw #omg
#Homosexual #gay #gayboy #gayrights #fag #ladygaga #evil #balcksin #sexman #sex #man #hotman #sexyboy #muscle #fitness #love #gaylove #sexyman #bones #iger #ego #pose #dragqueen #bornthisway #straightboy #straight #sexgod
#Chef #knife #pan #helmet #biker #hotman #man #sexy #bestfriend #friend #chefjacket #oldschool #filters #instagrammer #work #love